1 . Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 A.M. for an early flight to Sydney.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 A.M.".
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00 A.M., and that he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed....
It said... "It's 5.00 A.M., wake up!"
2. Come Again?
Monica L. had taken some clothes in to be cleaned. The attendant was an old man, hard of hearing. She was telling the man what she wanted, and was holding a dress while talking. The old man put a hand up to his ear, and said, "Come again?" "No," said Monica, "It's mustard this time!"
3. Tony Blair
Whats the difference between Tony Blair
and a tampon?
Nothing there both stuck up cunts!!!
4. Dog
What does Bill Clinton and his dog have in common?
They both go after rotten pussy.
5 .Cops Test
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
Monday, March 31, 2008
Judge To 3 Men: Learn English Or Go To Jail
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. -- A judge in Pennsylvania gave three Spanish-speaking men a choice: Learn English or go to jail.
The men faced prison terms for criminal conspiracy to commit robbery.
But the judge said they can stay on parole if they learn to read and write English, earn their GEDs and get full-time jobs.
During a court hearing this week in which the men pleaded guilty, they needed translators.
Judge Peter Olszewski said, "Do you think we are going to supply you with a translator all of your life?"
Attorneys for the men said they're studying the legality of the ruling, and that they haven't decided whether to appeal.
But one attorney said his client is happy.
"I think it's going to help him," the lawyer said.
The men faced prison terms for criminal conspiracy to commit robbery.
But the judge said they can stay on parole if they learn to read and write English, earn their GEDs and get full-time jobs.
During a court hearing this week in which the men pleaded guilty, they needed translators.
Judge Peter Olszewski said, "Do you think we are going to supply you with a translator all of your life?"
Attorneys for the men said they're studying the legality of the ruling, and that they haven't decided whether to appeal.
But one attorney said his client is happy.
"I think it's going to help him," the lawyer said.
Top 10 Deadliest Animals
10 -Poison Dart Frog 
These pint sized frogs aren't for kissing. Their backs ooze a slimy neurotoxin that is meant to keep predators away. Each frog produces enough of the toxin to kill 10 humans.
9 -Cape Buffalo
When faced with a predator, cape buffaloes charge head on. That's 1,500 pounds of beast topped off with two big, sharp horns. You're lucky if there's only one - the real danger comes when a herd of thousands stampedes in your direction.
8 -Polar Bear
Sure they might look cuddly at the zoo, but in the wild they eat elephant seals for breakfast. Get between one and its cub and it could easily rip off your head with one swipe of its giant paw.
7 -Elephant
Not every elephant is as friendly as Dumbo. Elephants kill more than 500 people a year worldwide. African elephants generally weigh in around 16,000 pounds - all the better to stomp you with - not to mention their sharp tusks.
6 - Australian Saltwater Crocodile
Don't mistake this croc for a log! It can lay still in the water, waiting for passers by. Then, in the blink of an eye, it'll lunge at prey, pulling it under water to drown and dismember.
5 - African Lion
Giant fangs? Check. Lightning quick? That too. Razor sharp claws? You betcha. Hungry? You better hope not. These big cats are near perfect hunters.
These pint sized frogs aren't for kissing. Their backs ooze a slimy neurotoxin that is meant to keep predators away. Each frog produces enough of the toxin to kill 10 humans.9 -Cape Buffalo
When faced with a predator, cape buffaloes charge head on. That's 1,500 pounds of beast topped off with two big, sharp horns. You're lucky if there's only one - the real danger comes when a herd of thousands stampedes in your direction.8 -Polar Bear
Sure they might look cuddly at the zoo, but in the wild they eat elephant seals for breakfast. Get between one and its cub and it could easily rip off your head with one swipe of its giant paw.7 -Elephant
Not every elephant is as friendly as Dumbo. Elephants kill more than 500 people a year worldwide. African elephants generally weigh in around 16,000 pounds - all the better to stomp you with - not to mention their sharp tusks.6 - Australian Saltwater Crocodile
Don't mistake this croc for a log! It can lay still in the water, waiting for passers by. Then, in the blink of an eye, it'll lunge at prey, pulling it under water to drown and dismember.5 - African Lion
Giant fangs? Check. Lightning quick? That too. Razor sharp claws? You betcha. Hungry? You better hope not. These big cats are near perfect hunters.
Blood in the water can excite these sharks into a feeding frenzy, where they'll use all 3,000 of their teeth to bite anything that moves.3 - Australian Box Jellyfish
Also known as the sea wasp, this salad-bowl sized jellyfish can have up to 60 tentacles each 15 feet long. Each tentacle has 5,000 stinging cells and enough toxin to kill 60 humans.
2 - Asian Cobra
While the Asian Cobra doesn't hold the title of most venomous snake, it does the most with what it has. Of the 50,000 deaths by snakebite a year,
1 - Mosquito
Most skeeter bites just make you itch. But some mosquitoes carry and transfer malaria causing parasites. As a result, these little pests are responsible for the deaths of more than two million people a year.
Friday, March 28, 2008
The Heart of a Lion
Timidly I go,daring to grow,
moving by night,
avoiding the light,
crawling along
through the dust
and the shadows;
How much better
to be a valiant feline
a nondescript cat
with the heart of
a lion,
Than to live as a lion,
a cowardly lion,
a large, languid lion
with the heart of a mouse.
Bush Twins Prank
This photo illustration of the Bush twins, in which Barbara and Jenna Bush are depicted wearing lingerie in the aftermath of a pillow fight, was created by Maxim magazine as an April Fool's prank.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
How To Please A Women Sexually
Author: R.T. Bucher
How to please a women sexually should not become a task that men struggle with. Let's be honest with each other for a moment. Women enjoy having sex and receiving sexual stimulation just as much as men. But, society has place a stigma on women who display their pleasure for sex. Men are called studs when they have multiple sexual partners. Women are called all kinds of rude slang terms when they voice or show their sexuality.
It's sometimes society's fault that men find themselves wondering how to sexually please a women. Please, do not get me wrong. There are women that have no problem telling their lovers exactly what they want. It's the women who has reservations or hides her sexually desires that makes it difficult for men to sexually please them.
Sex is one of life's greatest pleasures and should be enjoyed by both men and women without any inhibitions. Communication will become the main ingredient in deriving sexual pleasure from each other.
Men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus. Men are from Detroit and women are from Los Angeles, so to speak. Men have all the tools, but do not know how to implement those tools. Women have the need for sex, but each has a different method that heightens there arousal. Men can become excited from the mere thought of a women, where women need a little more to get the engine running, sometimes.
Here are some tips on how to sexually please a women.
1. Open communication is key in that it allows your lover to be able to tell you what she wants. But, you need to listen to her desires and be able to implement what she wants without reservation.
2. Some women still have reservations about masturbation, but if she allows you to watch, you can learn alot. Try and use the same techniques she uses. Ask her to show you and explain to you how she masturabtes. It will only enable you to sexually please her faster and better.
3. Talk about her sexual desires outside of the bedroom. Spark up a conversation over dinner or maybe when lounging around the backyard. Some women feel inhibited by the bedroom walls and talking outside the bedroom may release some inhibitions she has about sex.
4. Enjoying mind blowing sex comes from complete trust in each other. The more trust that is shared in the bedroom, the more willingness to be more open with each other.
5. Try to use vibrators and sex toys. Your pleasure should not be the only agenda in the bedroom. Invite your lover to bring her favorite toy to bed and have her teach you how to use it.
The main goal when enjoying sex with your lover is the ability to derive pleasure from each other. When one lover is having all the fun, the other will slowly lose their desire for sex. You need to make sure your women feels safe and secure and can tell you whatever she wants. You do not want your lover to finally throw her inhibitions to the side and then not allow her to be her true self.
How to please a women sexually should not become a task that men struggle with. Let's be honest with each other for a moment. Women enjoy having sex and receiving sexual stimulation just as much as men. But, society has place a stigma on women who display their pleasure for sex. Men are called studs when they have multiple sexual partners. Women are called all kinds of rude slang terms when they voice or show their sexuality.
It's sometimes society's fault that men find themselves wondering how to sexually please a women. Please, do not get me wrong. There are women that have no problem telling their lovers exactly what they want. It's the women who has reservations or hides her sexually desires that makes it difficult for men to sexually please them.
Sex is one of life's greatest pleasures and should be enjoyed by both men and women without any inhibitions. Communication will become the main ingredient in deriving sexual pleasure from each other.
Men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus. Men are from Detroit and women are from Los Angeles, so to speak. Men have all the tools, but do not know how to implement those tools. Women have the need for sex, but each has a different method that heightens there arousal. Men can become excited from the mere thought of a women, where women need a little more to get the engine running, sometimes.
Here are some tips on how to sexually please a women.
1. Open communication is key in that it allows your lover to be able to tell you what she wants. But, you need to listen to her desires and be able to implement what she wants without reservation.
2. Some women still have reservations about masturbation, but if she allows you to watch, you can learn alot. Try and use the same techniques she uses. Ask her to show you and explain to you how she masturabtes. It will only enable you to sexually please her faster and better.
3. Talk about her sexual desires outside of the bedroom. Spark up a conversation over dinner or maybe when lounging around the backyard. Some women feel inhibited by the bedroom walls and talking outside the bedroom may release some inhibitions she has about sex.
4. Enjoying mind blowing sex comes from complete trust in each other. The more trust that is shared in the bedroom, the more willingness to be more open with each other.
5. Try to use vibrators and sex toys. Your pleasure should not be the only agenda in the bedroom. Invite your lover to bring her favorite toy to bed and have her teach you how to use it.
The main goal when enjoying sex with your lover is the ability to derive pleasure from each other. When one lover is having all the fun, the other will slowly lose their desire for sex. You need to make sure your women feels safe and secure and can tell you whatever she wants. You do not want your lover to finally throw her inhibitions to the side and then not allow her to be her true self.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Shilpa becomes the sexiest Yogi
Shilpa Shetty who recently released her private edition of 'Shilpa's Yoga' in Europe showed her strong presence when the DVDs sold out like hot cakes beating seasoned veterans like Samanda, Davina, Karen Hardy and other fitness experts all across the continent. Now, she is all set to release the same in Hindi for the Indian audience and Shemaroo has bagged the exclusive rights for an astronomical figure. It is heard that she is being named as the sexiest yogi by those who have seen her video. Way to go Shetty girl!!!
Ash is all excited about 'Robot'
Director Shankar who is coming up with his new and ambitious venture which could well be the most expensive film ever made in India finally succeeded in getting superstar Rajinikanth and Aishwarya Rai together. When asked about it, Ash was all excited and said that the only reason for doing the film'Robot' was Rajini and added that in different stages of her career she has been getting offers but none of them materialized with him. She mentioned that she is really happy with her career as she got to play with the most popular legends in North and South - Amitabh Bachchan and Rajinikanth.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Mouse grounds plane for over 5 hours
Friday, 14 March , 2008, 06:15
Des Moines (Iowa, US): A mouse intent on flying to Atlanta prompted officials to ground a plane for more than five hours on Thursday in Des Moines. A flight attendant spotted the mouse before passengers boarded the 5.50 am Atlantic Southeast Airlines flight. About 30 passengers were kept waiting at the gate until the plane finally left about 11.30 am local time.
"The safety of our passengers is our number one priority," said Kristen Loughman, an ASA spokeswoman. "Our maintenance team was called. They inspected the aircraft, which is why it was delayed."
Loughman said she could not confirm whether the mouse was removed before the plane took off, but she said a safety inspection was required to ensure the mouse hadn't gnawed through anything that could cause safety issues.
Loughman said all passengers were rebooked on other connecting flights in Atlanta.
Atlanta-based ASA runs regional flights for Delta Airlines.
Gary Hagen, a Des Moines International Airport spokesman, said the delay was an airline issue and did not effect the airport operations.
"They went through all the things they had to do according to the situation," he said.
The airport has been extremely busy in recent days as people leave for spring break, Hagen said.
"There's a lot of traffic up there so we're trying to keep that under control," he said.
Des Moines (Iowa, US): A mouse intent on flying to Atlanta prompted officials to ground a plane for more than five hours on Thursday in Des Moines. A flight attendant spotted the mouse before passengers boarded the 5.50 am Atlantic Southeast Airlines flight. About 30 passengers were kept waiting at the gate until the plane finally left about 11.30 am local time.
"The safety of our passengers is our number one priority," said Kristen Loughman, an ASA spokeswoman. "Our maintenance team was called. They inspected the aircraft, which is why it was delayed."
Loughman said she could not confirm whether the mouse was removed before the plane took off, but she said a safety inspection was required to ensure the mouse hadn't gnawed through anything that could cause safety issues.
Loughman said all passengers were rebooked on other connecting flights in Atlanta.
Atlanta-based ASA runs regional flights for Delta Airlines.
Gary Hagen, a Des Moines International Airport spokesman, said the delay was an airline issue and did not effect the airport operations.
"They went through all the things they had to do according to the situation," he said.
The airport has been extremely busy in recent days as people leave for spring break, Hagen said.
"There's a lot of traffic up there so we're trying to keep that under control," he said.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Dear Friend !!
Have a nice day. Enjoy every moment of your life. Sachin Tendulkar for you.
Photo Greetings for Orkut By BollywoodSARGAM.com
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Rani Mukherjee marrying a divorcee!
Bollywood top actress Rani Mukherjee is in the news again for all the wrongs. She has been lying low for quite some time now with no release in the recent past but the rumours of her affair with director Aditya Chopra has dragged her into the spot light. Ever since Aditya filled divorce petition against wife Payal Khanna, speculations have been doing the rounds that he would marry Rani. But the million dollar question is whether the actress, who is known for her clean image, would marry a divorcee.Well, only Rani can answer this because love is blind!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
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