1 . Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 A.M. for an early flight to Sydney.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 A.M.".
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00 A.M., and that he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed....
It said... "It's 5.00 A.M., wake up!"
2. Come Again?
Monica L. had taken some clothes in to be cleaned. The attendant was an old man, hard of hearing. She was telling the man what she wanted, and was holding a dress while talking. The old man put a hand up to his ear, and said, "Come again?" "No," said Monica, "It's mustard this time!"
3. Tony Blair
Whats the difference between Tony Blair
and a tampon?
Nothing there both stuck up cunts!!!
4. Dog
What does Bill Clinton and his dog have in common?
They both go after rotten pussy.
5 .Cops Test
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
Monday, March 31, 2008
Judge To 3 Men: Learn English Or Go To Jail
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. -- A judge in Pennsylvania gave three Spanish-speaking men a choice: Learn English or go to jail.
The men faced prison terms for criminal conspiracy to commit robbery.
But the judge said they can stay on parole if they learn to read and write English, earn their GEDs and get full-time jobs.
During a court hearing this week in which the men pleaded guilty, they needed translators.
Judge Peter Olszewski said, "Do you think we are going to supply you with a translator all of your life?"
Attorneys for the men said they're studying the legality of the ruling, and that they haven't decided whether to appeal.
But one attorney said his client is happy.
"I think it's going to help him," the lawyer said.
The men faced prison terms for criminal conspiracy to commit robbery.
But the judge said they can stay on parole if they learn to read and write English, earn their GEDs and get full-time jobs.
During a court hearing this week in which the men pleaded guilty, they needed translators.
Judge Peter Olszewski said, "Do you think we are going to supply you with a translator all of your life?"
Attorneys for the men said they're studying the legality of the ruling, and that they haven't decided whether to appeal.
But one attorney said his client is happy.
"I think it's going to help him," the lawyer said.
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